Healing my heart – From feeling like a failure to finding passion & achievement. Part 2 of my story…

This blog is throwing me for a LOOP! I had a completely different picture in my mind of how my blog would flow for the next few months, but I have definitely learned over the past couple of years that when the Lord lays something on your heart and you actually let HIM lead… He likes to mix things up a little. He’s funny (and frustrating) that way. I thought I was going to write my auto-biography chronologically, but I don’t think it’s headed in that direction. . I thought my non-blogger self would only “blog” once a week or so. Yup… this will be 4 posts in 12 days. Apparently I have a lot on my heart.

In my last post I opened up about my biggest struggle… feeling incompetent, like I’m never good enough, someone else is always better at xyz, never reaching a goal, essentially a failure. Don’t get me wrong, those thoughts don’t consume me at all times. I have been on a journey of healing my heart the past few years, but every now and then, those thoughts sneak right back in. During ministry school I read a book called Super Natural Ways of Royalty by Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson and it really spoke to this area of my heart.  It really helped me to see my identity in Christ. That I am a Princess of the Most High King. Not in a snooty kind of way, but that I can stand up straight, firmly, in who I am. He is my Heavenly Father, and as His daughter, He has put passions in my heart and given me qualities that NO ONE ELSE HAS. Not better, not worse, just different.

SWOR

During this time at ministry school I learned and saw a lot of INCREDIBLE things. Like I said in a previous post, ministry school changed my life. But the absolute most priceless thing I learned, after being a Christian for nearly 20 years, was to recognize the voice of the God.  Up until the age of THIRTY-ONE, I had NO CLUE that God spoke to me. I had NO IDEA how to hear His voice and plus… why on earth would HE the Creator want to speak to me? But… it was all in His timing and I am so thankful for that.

The photos below are of a journal entry I made on 2/17/2013. While in ministry school I journaled A LOT, otherwise I normally only journal about every 6 months or so. I probably ought to more, but I guess that’s what my blog is for now. 🙂

Journal1    journal2The majority of the writing is what the Lord was telling me, what is in parenthesis is my response to His questions. Essentially He was asking me what I wanted to do and what I had in my heart. My response:

“I want to help with our financial burden to allow for more ministry, use my talents, help others financially and physically. To make an impact. To make a difference.”

… This journal entry will be looped back in in a few seconds…

Fast forward 3.5 months and my 2nd son Lucas started getting a croupy cough (he battled chronic croup for years… was on massive amount of steroids, 2 ER visits, etc…), but this time I had had enough… way too many steroids. I researched anything and everything I could which led me to Young Living Essential Oils. I prayed and asked God if i was going nuts to actually try essential oils. His response to me… “You (meaning you all) have forgotten about MY PERFECT PROVISION”. Sold. Done. Nothing more to ask. The Bible says that God has given us EVERYTHING we need. EVEN MEDICINE. There’s a lot more to this journey, but I want to get to the heart of this particular post. For more than 6 months we began seeing the power of essential oils in our home.  We saw God’s own medicine do what it was supposed to do…. for croup, warts, pollen allergies, feminine infection, respiratory infections, cuts, bruises, headaches, stomach problems, etc…

After seeing this… I became passionate. Passionate about spreading the goodness of the Lord through something so old, yet forgotten. How did I miss the fact that essential oils or the plants that produce them are mentioned in the Bible over 600 times? I had NO CLUE that Frankincense, myrrh and spikenard still existed. (How cool is that?). As I began to share with others I saw the health of friends and family changing for the better around me. As they began to share, they started becoming passionate too. About a year after using essential oils in my family I felt the Lord urge me to do this as a formal business. REALLY?!?! Me? There’s no WAY IN THE WORLD I would be successful at something like this… achievement and I are not usually in the same sentence.

The beginning was very very slow and HARD… very hard. But God is so good and patient with me. From the beginning my focus has been to keep my heart in the right place. Little by little my business has grown. I had to set my first goal – Silver level within 6 months. Deep inside it was scary to have a goal. I don’t make goals, because then I don’t have to reach them. I stayed focused… prayed A LOT… and rather than 6 months… I made my goal in 4 months (Oct 2013). Are you KIDDING me?  I’m still in disbelief…because the prize for reaching my goal was a kit of 120 oils and it just came in the mail a few days ago.

Silverin6Just after achieving my goal I opened up my journal to begin writing and accidentally turned it to my journal entry from Feb 2013. I had completely forgotten about it and honestly don’t remember writing about it. What impacted me so deeply is that… 1. I am financially contributing to my family 2. I am using talents God has given me. 3. I am helping others with their health AND finances and 4. I am starting to see that I can make an impact/difference.

God has taken my struggles and turned them into something incredible. I still struggle and wonder if I will make it to my next goal… but there’s a little voice inside that says… “go for it. you got it. take a risk. push on”.

What is YOUR passion? What has the Lord laid on your heart? Have you achieved something you never thought possible? Or do you need to revisit your passions and take a small step forward towards those dreams?  I believe the Lord places passions and desires on our hearts and is SO happy when we realize they are from Him and take a chance towards those dreams. I would love to hear your stories or know how to pray for you.

Love, Sarah

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As RAW as it gets. My story(ies)… Part 1 of many.

Meet Sarah. Me. This is my story… an auto-biography of sorts. I will take you on a journey through my life… my ups and down, misconceptions, “legalistic religious” beliefs, dreams, passions, crazy experiences, hurts, joys, my challenges and challenges to you… everything. How they have all evolved into who I am today.

I know I am about to be vulnerable. That’s a weird place to intentionally choose to walk into. But, I feel it is important. I have a story to share, and if I can impact one person’s life in a positive way… it was all worth it.  All I ask from you is to be open, sensitive to my heart, and before judging me, please ask questions and open up a conversation.  And please, if something impacts you in a positive way… I would love to know about that too.

I was born and raised in Omaha, Nebraska as a city girl. My mom grew up as the farm girl, not me. (I’ve never shared this before, but I secretly wish I had been a farm girl because now that I would love to garden and have animals, but am utterly CLUELESS). I grew up with my mom (Jennifer) and dad (Art) ( they are still married) and my older brother A.C. (His real name is Arthur Carl Jetter III, which I think is pretty cool. My second son’s middle name is even Arthur.)

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(Photo 1: Family farm in Louisville, NE & Photo 2: Jorge and I, 3 kiddos, My parents, and My brother and his wife Sara. )

I don’t have the a lot of memories from my childhood… I wish I did. But what I do remember was good. Holidays, Vacations, Family times, etc… Thankfully my mom has been amazing at keeping photo albums, so we can look back at so any good times. One of the things I remember was my mom taking us to church on Sundays to King of Kings Lutheran Church. I honestly don’t remember if it was every week or sporadically, but eventually we only went on holidays. Then at some point in junior high, my mom told me that I had to do Confirmation Classes at church. I was NOT HAPPY to say the least, but it was a non-negotiable as far as I remember.  So… my 8th grade year I started going to church again. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of an amazing journey.  Low and behold I met some new friends and loved the new “social” scene. Once confirmation classes were over and I was “confirmed”, I continued to go to church so that I could hang out with my friends.  That’s not a “holy & righteous” thing to admit. But it’s true. What I know now is that God is good, can turn anything for His glory, He is interested in the journey, and cares about my heart TODAY. It’s not about how pretty the journey began.

During my sophomore year of high school my life/heart began to shift… the Lord was calling me into a deeper place with Him. All of a sudden it wasn’t about seeing my friends anymore… there was something else I longed for when I went to church.  While in high school I was very involved in school activities: tennis, gymnastics, and band. Yes, I was a band nerd… a cool one though, right? Anyway. I began to play piano when I was 5 and saxophone when I was 11, and played both until I graduated.

RAW Heart #1… I LOVED playing music… both saxophone and piano. It gave me joy and touched my soul, BUT I always felt like I wasn’t as good as the others around me.  I have so many shoulda, woulda, coulda thoughts whenever I think about music when I was younger. Maybe had I just expressed to someone, probably my mom, how important it TRULY was to me, I could have had private lessons to improve my skills. But… I didn’t. When I went to college (TCU), I toured the music building to see how I could fit music in, but felt so incredibly incompetent that I walked out and stopped playing music all together.   The saxophone stayed in the closet and I didn’t make the effort to find a piano.  I have played the piano probably twice a year since then. My husband even bought me one in Guatemala, but it was hard to find the time with 2 little boys running around. Then, I started worship classes through ministry school a couple years ago, but that was entirely overwhelming and again, I felt like a failure.  This is definitely one of my biggest “regrets”, yet it’s not too late.
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Challenge for myself: Find time for music. Get a piano or learn guitar… this year !
Challenge for you: What do you love? What is your passion? How can you fit it in this year? If you are willing to share, I would love to hear your story.
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Diapers + Organic Cookies?

I hadn’t planned on writing about DIAPERS until well into the future. Doesn’t seem like the best idea for my 2nd blog post. But I will and I’ll make it short.

Liliana, my second child, has always had a very sensitive bum. She was consistently red. As we have been on a journey to try more natural products throughout the home, I thought trying a more “natural” diaper was likely a waste of time, but I’d give it a shot.  This led me to try The Honest Co. I ordered a bundle of diapers and wipes from them, as well as, Young Living Essential Oil’s Tender Tush. (This is being reformulated right now, so currently it’s not available).

I kid you not… I believe Lily has had a red bum only a few times in the past 6 months and the only reason was because I didn’t know she had a dirty diaper. I believe not having harsh chemicals in the diapers, wipes, or cream made a HUGE difference.

Where do the cookies come in? I opened up my new box of diapers that came today. And I got a Christmas present from them! A bag of Organic Cookies with a snowflake cookie cutter. I wasn’t expecting that!  And for Mother’s day this year they sent me an all natural lip gloss that I absolutely LOVE… Lily does too! haha.

Check out the SUPER cute diapers I got (and I’m trying some pull-ups this time too) and the cookies! So, if your baby gets diaper rash frequently or you are wanting to try more natural options give these Honest diapers a try. Honestly… I love them.  🙂

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Welcome to Wine & Myrrh

Welcome. It feels a little strange to think someone might actually read my blog. This is my first post EVER into the massive blog-o-sphere. I NEVER thought I would blog. I don’t see myself as a good writer (probably not fair to compare myself with other amazing blogs) , and I avoid venturing  into new things. Well, here I am. Blogging.

Wine & Myrrh is already impacting my heart. I’ve had to come to a place where I felt like my opinions and stories were worth sharing. I shared a part of my story a few months ago on Facebook about a miscarriage I had and I couldn’t believe the amount of feedback. I realized that it’s not ME on this journey… we are ALL on this journey together, but our individual paths look a little bit different. After that Facebook post, I really prayed and felt I was supposed to begin sharing my story. All of it. No doubt some parts will likely be boring, but I hope  other parts will encourage, strengthen, and increase the faith of those reading.

Why Wine&Myrrh?  Here’s why…

Biblical Meaning
Mark 15:23 “Then they offered him (Jesus) wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it.” Both the wine and the myrrh would have helped relax and numb Jesus’s pain while He hung on the cross, however HE REFUSED IT.  Not only did it fulfill a prophecy that He would drink vinegar, but Jesus bore 100% of the pain for us, when He could have easily had just a little bit of relief. Wow. Insert “Jesus loves me” song here. I know He loves me.

Wine
– I like wine. 🙂
– Symbolizes Miracles: Jesus turned water into wine.
– Symbolizes Jesus: wine symbolizes His blood poured out for me and you.
– Represents joy, celebration, and festivity, & the abundant blessings of God.
– Also symbolizes our need for self control (in all areas of life).

Myrrh
-Symbolizes Beauty & Marriage – it was a popular custom to lay a bundle of myrrh on one’s chest while sleeping as a beauty treatment in preparation for a wedding.  Esther was provided oil of myrrh before her wedding.— Song of Solomon 1:13
– Symbolizes bitterness, suffering, and affliction. The Hebrew word for myrrh is Mowr which means “distilled,” and comes from the root word Marar which means “bitterness.” The baby Jesus would grow to suffer greatly as a man and would pay the ultimate price when He gave His life on the cross for all who would believe in Him.
-Symbolizes Christ’s Return: Revelation 8:3-4 tells us that the original altar of incense continues to be used before the throne of God in Heaven. Psalm 45:8 describes Yeshua’s (Jesus) garments: “All thy garments smell of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia…” (This oil blend smells AMAZING!)
-Myrrh is an essential oil – it has incredible healing properties AND essential oils have become my passion and purpose in this season of life.

So, what does this all mean to me? God is good. He has provided so many good things for me including wine and myrrh, but because they are good doesn’t mean there is no limit. Like the saying goes there can be “too much of a good thing”. Too much wine leads too drunkenness and possibly even death. Too much myrrh… honestly I don’t know what happens with the ingestion of too much myrrh resin or essential oil, but I’m guessing  it wouldn’t be a good idea. Today’s society is a “feels good = good” society. I believe I have a responsibility to take care of myself, my family, and my friends and family.  I do my best to use the Bible as my guide for right and wrong… mixed in with what the Holy Spirit tells me and sometimes a ‘lil ol common sense.

Thank you for reading and joining me on this journey. I pray abundant blessings over you and yours during the 2015 year.

Love, Sarah

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