Healing my heart – From feeling like a failure to finding passion & achievement. Part 2 of my story…

This blog is throwing me for a LOOP! I had a completely different picture in my mind of how my blog would flow for the next few months, but I have definitely learned over the past couple of years that when the Lord lays something on your heart and you actually let HIM lead… He likes to mix things up a little. He’s funny (and frustrating) that way. I thought I was going to write my auto-biography chronologically, but I don’t think it’s headed in that direction. . I thought my non-blogger self would only “blog” once a week or so. Yup… this will be 4 posts in 12 days. Apparently I have a lot on my heart.

In my last post I opened up about my biggest struggle… feeling incompetent, like I’m never good enough, someone else is always better at xyz, never reaching a goal, essentially a failure. Don’t get me wrong, those thoughts don’t consume me at all times. I have been on a journey of healing my heart the past few years, but every now and then, those thoughts sneak right back in. During ministry school I read a book called Super Natural Ways of Royalty by Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson and it really spoke to this area of my heart.  It really helped me to see my identity in Christ. That I am a Princess of the Most High King. Not in a snooty kind of way, but that I can stand up straight, firmly, in who I am. He is my Heavenly Father, and as His daughter, He has put passions in my heart and given me qualities that NO ONE ELSE HAS. Not better, not worse, just different.

SWOR

During this time at ministry school I learned and saw a lot of INCREDIBLE things. Like I said in a previous post, ministry school changed my life. But the absolute most priceless thing I learned, after being a Christian for nearly 20 years, was to recognize the voice of the God.  Up until the age of THIRTY-ONE, I had NO CLUE that God spoke to me. I had NO IDEA how to hear His voice and plus… why on earth would HE the Creator want to speak to me? But… it was all in His timing and I am so thankful for that.

The photos below are of a journal entry I made on 2/17/2013. While in ministry school I journaled A LOT, otherwise I normally only journal about every 6 months or so. I probably ought to more, but I guess that’s what my blog is for now. 🙂

Journal1    journal2The majority of the writing is what the Lord was telling me, what is in parenthesis is my response to His questions. Essentially He was asking me what I wanted to do and what I had in my heart. My response:

“I want to help with our financial burden to allow for more ministry, use my talents, help others financially and physically. To make an impact. To make a difference.”

… This journal entry will be looped back in in a few seconds…

Fast forward 3.5 months and my 2nd son Lucas started getting a croupy cough (he battled chronic croup for years… was on massive amount of steroids, 2 ER visits, etc…), but this time I had had enough… way too many steroids. I researched anything and everything I could which led me to Young Living Essential Oils. I prayed and asked God if i was going nuts to actually try essential oils. His response to me… “You (meaning you all) have forgotten about MY PERFECT PROVISION”. Sold. Done. Nothing more to ask. The Bible says that God has given us EVERYTHING we need. EVEN MEDICINE. There’s a lot more to this journey, but I want to get to the heart of this particular post. For more than 6 months we began seeing the power of essential oils in our home.  We saw God’s own medicine do what it was supposed to do…. for croup, warts, pollen allergies, feminine infection, respiratory infections, cuts, bruises, headaches, stomach problems, etc…

After seeing this… I became passionate. Passionate about spreading the goodness of the Lord through something so old, yet forgotten. How did I miss the fact that essential oils or the plants that produce them are mentioned in the Bible over 600 times? I had NO CLUE that Frankincense, myrrh and spikenard still existed. (How cool is that?). As I began to share with others I saw the health of friends and family changing for the better around me. As they began to share, they started becoming passionate too. About a year after using essential oils in my family I felt the Lord urge me to do this as a formal business. REALLY?!?! Me? There’s no WAY IN THE WORLD I would be successful at something like this… achievement and I are not usually in the same sentence.

The beginning was very very slow and HARD… very hard. But God is so good and patient with me. From the beginning my focus has been to keep my heart in the right place. Little by little my business has grown. I had to set my first goal – Silver level within 6 months. Deep inside it was scary to have a goal. I don’t make goals, because then I don’t have to reach them. I stayed focused… prayed A LOT… and rather than 6 months… I made my goal in 4 months (Oct 2013). Are you KIDDING me?  I’m still in disbelief…because the prize for reaching my goal was a kit of 120 oils and it just came in the mail a few days ago.

Silverin6Just after achieving my goal I opened up my journal to begin writing and accidentally turned it to my journal entry from Feb 2013. I had completely forgotten about it and honestly don’t remember writing about it. What impacted me so deeply is that… 1. I am financially contributing to my family 2. I am using talents God has given me. 3. I am helping others with their health AND finances and 4. I am starting to see that I can make an impact/difference.

God has taken my struggles and turned them into something incredible. I still struggle and wonder if I will make it to my next goal… but there’s a little voice inside that says… “go for it. you got it. take a risk. push on”.

What is YOUR passion? What has the Lord laid on your heart? Have you achieved something you never thought possible? Or do you need to revisit your passions and take a small step forward towards those dreams?  I believe the Lord places passions and desires on our hearts and is SO happy when we realize they are from Him and take a chance towards those dreams. I would love to hear your stories or know how to pray for you.

Love, Sarah

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